23 things before 23

Initially I wanted to do 22 things I learned in 22, but since next Wednesday I will turn 23, I decided to list some things I have learned during my existence in this world for 23 years. You may or may not agree with me, but here we go.

1. Life is not what you expected
   I like making plans, no, I LOVE it when everything is planned out thoroughly and went according to it. But alas, mishap and tragedy happen, and the great plan is doomed. Yes, yes, God always have bigger and better plan than ours and I have learned to accept that, even though grumpy at times. It’s more about the next step, what to do and how to fix that mishap.
2. True (and good) friends are hard to find
   And once you find them, they're worth fighting for.
3. Some people have hidden motives and are two-faced
   There was a time when I assumed that everyone is good and kind. When someone ask for help, I would try my best to help them with whatever they need. On several cases, I only realized that they were using me after the event had long passed.
4. It's okay to feel lost
   And it’s quite normal too. Turned out, many people in their early twenties felt that as well (especially after graduation), yet not many admit that. I wrote once here that I don’t know what I want to do/be after I graduated, and I hate myself for feeling so lost and confused. But then I watched Michelle Reed’s vlog (I forgot which one), and she said, “There is not one way to live your live”. It reminds me that to each their own path, so when opportunity comes, don’t waste it.
5. Nothing is as it seems
   While life on Insta may look perfect, there’s always something we don’t know about. No need to be so harsh in judging and becoming envious of what others shared on social media.
6. People change
   As time goes by, experience also increase. This cause people’s behavior, opinion and priorities to change as well. Oh, they also come and go in life. Some will stay, some will drift apart, others will leave, either by choice or death.
7. Death is a normal part of life
   Losing someone dear to you is not easy, the wound never completely heal and there’s always this, well, empty space in your heart. Everyday, for each death, another life begins. It takes time to accept death, and no matter how many times I have experienced it, I don't think I’ll ever get used to it.
8. Skin and body care are important
   I need to work more on this. Move. Stretch. Get some sun. Listen to my body. Pay attention on the food I eat. Take notes on how my body reacts to certain things. Only recently I discovered that my hair is quite damaged, and now I realized how careless I have been all this time. So now I try to switch to a more nature-based products that contains less chemicals. I want to age well after all.
9. Invest on classic, timeless pieces
   For style, my keywords are: classic and timeless. Effortless as well, when possible (looking good takes effort tho). Clothes, shoes, watches, scarves, bags and accessories that are timeless will last a lifetime and they will go well with other things, so get a good one. I don’t mind when something costs more (true when I have the budget), as long as they will last forever, hehe.
10. Forgive and apologize
    I don’t like to apologize for something I didn’t do. I don’t like to apologize for something that is not my fault, either (heck, even if it’s my fault, it’s still hard for me to apologize sometimes, in some cases). I don’t give forgiveness easily as well. But sometimes, you still need to apologize first, even when it’s not your fault. Just because, or just to make things better. And sometimes, you need to give forgiveness even without an apology. Because it will make your heart lighter and brighter. Now that is also hard for me, but this quote from The Merchant of Venice by Shakespeare gives me strength:
    
    "The quality of mercy is not strained.
    It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
    Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
    It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
    ..."
    
    So usually I try to forgive first. Emphasis on try, I don't always succeed.
11. Let karma do the dirty work
    I’m the type of person who holds grudge. Like, I always want revenge on the bad things people have done to me. Well, I have learned to just relax and focus on my life. What comes around, goes around. I already have a lot on my plate, anyways.
12. I can't drink coffee anymore
    Well, more like I shouldn’t. It gives me headache for the past 2 or 3 years. I don’t know why, I used to be fine with it. I tried drinking instant 3 in 1 coffee today, Icha’s souvenir from Malaysia. I put lots of water and ice in it so it’s super diluted. I still got a headache.
13. Honesty becomes hard
    Hard to do and hard to find. I now understand why my grandfather told me to be an honest person. There are a lot of factors that prevent myself from being completely open and honest, even with my closest circle. It’s easy to be honest when you have nothing to lose and nothing to hide. Sometimes it’s not that I don’t want to be honest and tell the truth, it’s just, well, maybe I forget. Maybe I’m scared of judgement. Maybe I’m just trying to be polite. Maybe, just maybe, I have much to lose.
14. Fffffffvck people and their opinions
    One of the most important lessons learned. They don't take care of me, don't feed me, don't provide for my life and they got nothing on me. With this mindset, I’m able to held my head up high with confidence and have more faith in myself to not be afraid and move forward. You go girl, blast that hoe anthem playlist.
15. I LOVE heels 
    But I hate them too. Yes, they are painful to wear, but damn they made me look super tall. Not to mention I feel like I can conquer the world in it. If you can go running out and about in heels, then you can do anything. Just make sure to put your feet up afterwards.
16. Romantic relationship is... something else
    It takes time, patience, tolerance, understanding, communication and so on. This is my first time and I’ve been with him for two years. Still going. The strange thing is, I learn more about myself as much as I learn more about him. I never knew that I could be so cold and selfish and temperamental and how my tolerance level was low. But he still accepts me whole, the good and bad. And that's why I love him 💗.
17. Time is the most precious thing you can give
    So, spend it well. Choose the receiving end wisely. We only live once.
18. Mistakes are okay
    Well, as long as you learn something from them. Don’t repeat the same ones, though. I think it’s better to create new ones since you’ll learn new things.
19. Resting biatch face doesn't always work to avoid catcalls
    I used to get catcalled a lot. That's why I put the face. Nevertheless, it still works to prevent people from messing around with me further. I think the effect will double if you combined it with the murder walk. Though my RBF version would probably come off more as vicious or arrogant. Be cautious of your surroundings, too.
20. A well-made bed increases productivity
    When I first read it on Cupcakes and Cashmere several years ago, I decided to try it, thinking maybe the new habit wouldn’t last a week. Now, it’s impossible to do anything unless I made my bed first. It’s true, I feel more ready and happy to start my day, making me eager to get things done.
21. Plan and track your expense
    I was the type of person who can save up a lot because I rarely buy anything, but when I decided to shop, I’m broke afterwards. Ever since I got my part-time job, I started making monthly expense plan to record every transaction I made in that month. With it I’m able to separate between stuffs I want and stuffs I need. Fancy skincare looks nice and all but do I really need it when there’s a cheaper, better option that works as well for my skin?
22. Mental health
    Holds a tremendous part on your overall well-being. I was exhausted in 2017. Early 2018 I was burnt out, my confidence level is 0 and mentally so screwed that I felt so worthless, I cried my eyes out almost every single night. I guess I was depressed, I can't say for sure. It took me one year, to slowly feel alright, my well-being gradually becoming better and I begin to have some confidence in myself again. I'm forever grateful to my boyfriend for staying with me through all those process. xo
23. Always, always make time for your loved ones
    I hadn’t visited my grandma in Cirebon for two years. I really missed her, I had also heard that her condition got worse and I knew her time is near, so I had bought tickets to visit her during the Lunar New Year holiday. She passed away before I made that visit. I felt guilty, angry. I regret those two years I couldn’t visit her because of family issues. I regretted not visiting her sooner. So, yeah, cherish them while they’re still breathing. Humans don’t live forever.

Wow. I was worried that it might not reach 23 things, but it did. Thank you for reading through the end, I dig deep into my memory for this post. I tried to remember everything that had happened, so I can share things that are relatable and helpful. I hope you enjoy it!