Missing Parts
I went to Cirebon last September, to visit my Aunt (who was recovering from her diabetes attack) and my Grandfather. I stayed there for a week. There are a lot of things I noticed during that time. Let's start with the huge mango tree my late Grandmother had planted in front of my Grandfather's bedroom window, which had been cut down. I understand Grandfather's reasons for cutting down the tree, despite my Aunt's objections. It was dangerous to keep the tree since on its way of collapsing, but I also think it's unnecessary to get rid of it completely. Somehow it felt like erasing Grandmother's memories. Or maybe Grandfather was just trying to deal with his grief, maybe the tree reminded him of Grandmother every time he looked at it.
Another revelation I had during the trip was about basic traits, from my father's side of the family. My father and his siblings are all equally obstinate, messy, indifferent in their own ways and oftentimes, arrogant. I'm not saying that those are their only traits, because that would be very bad and I have no intention to humiliate anyone (but yes, those are the main ones besides being kind). I made the conclusion based on my observation throughout the years. I wonder how my grandparents raised their kids, to have instilled those traits in the kids, which after they became adults, they bring into their own lives and families. It's fine if these traits don't disturb the new life and family they have built. But what if it does?
Taking care & accompanying my Aunt during her recovery confirmed my conclusions. I tried to analyse from which parent does these traits originated. Some belong to Grandfather, others belonged to Grandmother. It led me to think that once you become a parent, you have to be very, very careful in the way you raised your child, because not only are you ensuring the child grows well, but you are also leaving your legacy in humanity. If you do it wrong, once the child grew up, he or she could end up not taking care of you or abandon you. What's worse, your child might end up becoming a toxic being, adding more trashy human to society.
There is also some family history that my father and his siblings still don't know about. The lack of communication in the family has caused Grandfather to keep some parts to himself, which he told me, bit by bit, whenever I visit alone. For the past few visits, I felt like a detective, digging up clues about my father's family history and investigating reasons why the family is the way they are now. It's fun, but there were parts where I felt the burden of carrying-you could say-secrets-but not really because it's just stories untold. Hopefully, my grandfather has more time to tell these stories by himself, and sort everything out, because those stories are not mine to tell and I would have no idea how to tell them.
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| [ With the absence of the tree, the light came in ] |
Another revelation I had during the trip was about basic traits, from my father's side of the family. My father and his siblings are all equally obstinate, messy, indifferent in their own ways and oftentimes, arrogant. I'm not saying that those are their only traits, because that would be very bad and I have no intention to humiliate anyone (but yes, those are the main ones besides being kind). I made the conclusion based on my observation throughout the years. I wonder how my grandparents raised their kids, to have instilled those traits in the kids, which after they became adults, they bring into their own lives and families. It's fine if these traits don't disturb the new life and family they have built. But what if it does?
Taking care & accompanying my Aunt during her recovery confirmed my conclusions. I tried to analyse from which parent does these traits originated. Some belong to Grandfather, others belonged to Grandmother. It led me to think that once you become a parent, you have to be very, very careful in the way you raised your child, because not only are you ensuring the child grows well, but you are also leaving your legacy in humanity. If you do it wrong, once the child grew up, he or she could end up not taking care of you or abandon you. What's worse, your child might end up becoming a toxic being, adding more trashy human to society.
There is also some family history that my father and his siblings still don't know about. The lack of communication in the family has caused Grandfather to keep some parts to himself, which he told me, bit by bit, whenever I visit alone. For the past few visits, I felt like a detective, digging up clues about my father's family history and investigating reasons why the family is the way they are now. It's fun, but there were parts where I felt the burden of carrying-you could say-secrets-but not really because it's just stories untold. Hopefully, my grandfather has more time to tell these stories by himself, and sort everything out, because those stories are not mine to tell and I would have no idea how to tell them.
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